I wrote this poem about 3 years ago. I write poems to understand how I feel. Sometimes I can’t figure out how I feel, I can’t name it, or claim it. And I don’t know what to do about it. So I write. I write in the notes section in my phone. And then I love finding the medicine the poem offers later. So here’s a poem I wrote when I wanted everything to be different. It’s my offering for the day! AND I LOVE YOU.
I look for change
I look for change, I long for change.
But what is it that I really want to change
My bank account
My body
My success
My opportunities
The world and people around me.
I long for change. And yet, I have it.
My bank account changes daily
Yikes.
My body functions with more ease than a year ago — even if I don’t feel as attractive, and my underwear keeps getting bigger—it has changed
My success is and always will be subjective, so at this point she’s a shiny object and I’m the magpie, and it’s everchanging
And in the past, if I’m really honest, a lack of apparent opportunities has always yielded projects filled with joy
And I don’t actually want to rob the world of its autonomy, even if I do want to just a little bit.
So my acceptance is the only thing that truly needs to change. Or rather, acceptance is the only worthwhile focus to put in the energy to change.
Why?
Because damn it all to hell,
Accepting myself exactly as is
Accepting others, the world, my work,
Accepting what IS in every moment–exactly as it is, in that moment–
Is the one thing, one thought, one action, that
Always, without freaking fail
Changes everything.
xoxo
ALISON
